he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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