I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
