Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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