Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
