can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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