It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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