She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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