I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
