im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
