Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
