His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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