Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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