I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
