alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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