found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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