I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
