my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
