Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
