Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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