I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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