This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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