o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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