whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
