I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
