This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
