Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
