Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
