Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
