Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
