i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
