On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
