he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
