Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
