THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
