And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
