The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ttyl tear gas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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