If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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