I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
