His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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