yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
