Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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