just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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