I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
