She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
