I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
