Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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