Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
