I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
