Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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