So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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