all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
