Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
