Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
