Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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