she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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