why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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