I cockslap morals
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
