you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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