so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He is an equal opportunity slut.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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