when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
