I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
