Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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