I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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