So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
