I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
