I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
