Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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