I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
