Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?

  (904): View more from Florida

  Both

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  (954): What are you talking about? And how drunk are you? (904): Both http://tfl.nu/7q6w
  Replies (18) Good night (6405) Bad night (921)
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  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

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  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
  Replies (79) Good night (53344) Bad night (2515)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.

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  (773): It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out. http://tfl.nu/p4fr
  Replies (16) Good night (5331) Bad night (861)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.

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  (647): Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer. http://tfl.nu/62rw
  Replies (14) Good night (3473) Bad night (1226)
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  (+54): View more from

  My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed

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  (+54): My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed http://tfl.nu/m32v
  Replies (30) Good night (8430) Bad night (1273)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???

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  (614): Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale??? http://tfl.nu/bzai
  Replies (6) Good night (3401) Bad night (1386)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.

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  (916): WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN. http://tfl.nu/3mw6
  Replies (8) Good night (3511) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.

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  (413): It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex. http://tfl.nu/wrcv
  Replies (14) Good night (4143) Bad night (1708)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.

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  (423): He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis. http://tfl.nu/f7rk
  Replies (7) Good night (1767) Bad night (557)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device

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  (708): That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device http://tfl.nu/adi5
  Replies (4) Good night (2002) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  soon, soon....

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....

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  (732): soon, soon.... (908): I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus..... http://tfl.nu/hpc3
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"

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  (626): Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!" http://tfl.nu/r9i7
  Replies (4) Good night (630) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.

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  (202): My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream. http://tfl.nu/02rn
  Replies (9) Good night (1270) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas

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  (330): Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas http://tfl.nu/6cc4
  Replies (5) Good night (570) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.

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  (612): You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in. http://tfl.nu/2cq6
  Replies (3) Good night (783) Bad night (248)

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