I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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