Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.