Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?