My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.