Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.