the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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