I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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