maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
