So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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