I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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