Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize