I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"