you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol