Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"