Texts From Last Night

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  (936): View more from Texas

  Bea Arthur died! :(

  (214): View more from Texas

  What?

  (936): View more from Texas

  Big bird passed.

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  (936):Bea Arthur died! :( (214):What? (936):Big bird passed. http://tfl.nu/7dhn
  Replies (8) Good night (739) Bad night (1233)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?

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  (603): Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter? http://tfl.nu/0om2
  Replies (75) Good night (1632) Bad night (5271)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.

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  (954): We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles. http://tfl.nu/w60i
  Replies (38) Good night (6420) Bad night (898)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.

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  (423): it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like. http://tfl.nu/iipz
  Replies (3) Good night (2839) Bad night (961)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you

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  (832): you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you http://tfl.nu/7l95
  Replies (9) Good night (883) Bad night (3358)
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  (951): View more from California

  His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format

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  (951): His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format http://tfl.nu/g7e8
  Replies (12) Good night (5808) Bad night (1054)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.

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  (208): This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week. http://tfl.nu/trjj
  Replies (4) Good night (1723) Bad night (571)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.

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  (713): I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well. http://tfl.nu/o2ii
  Replies (4) Good night (1628) Bad night (603)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.

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  (970): at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt. http://tfl.nu/x5kq
  Replies (3) Good night (2046) Bad night (799)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?

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  (+61): i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that? http://tfl.nu/m9eq
  Replies (6) Good night (2438) Bad night (863)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.

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  (304): Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad. http://tfl.nu/m6pm
  Replies (5) Good night (1701) Bad night (578)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.

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  (801): My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird. http://tfl.nu/uvgo
  Replies (7) Good night (1355) Bad night (646)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.

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  (248): Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it. http://tfl.nu/f0ca
  Replies (1) Good night (1020) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.

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  (817): I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department. http://tfl.nu/0vx5
  Replies (0) Good night (445) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.

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  (205): Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax. http://tfl.nu/u4t8
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (391)

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